The one about breathing...

Every breath I breathe is prayer...Every exhale, an emptying of whats left of me, and every inhale the taking in of the hope I am searching for in Christ.

It's all I can do is breathe...somehow, God woke me up another day and somehow I am breathing. It's all I can do. In and out. I have nothing else to offer at this moment. Just breathe because that's what He wants.

Everything looks different.

People say, "sing to yourself praise songs, it will make you feel better," but it doesn't. I have no song inside of me...I am heartbroken of his plans for ruining me not just once, but twice.

They tell me to "go sit outside and be with nature." All I can think of is how He sustains the grass and the birds and the flowers, yet the tiny baby inside of me lays in death, still and lifeless all in accordance to His divine will.

I've heard "you have no idea what that child could have been like." Im not sure what that's supposed to mean. Many things from what my mind is assuming...socially, physically, emotionally, spiritually? 

None of the above were meant in harm and all said out of love because the people I love care about me enough to try and comfort, but they are all empty aids. He took from me and its hard to get past it so quickly or easily. And the truth is, He allowed this suffering...it's His doing all from His hand. 

Yet still, I am not angry with Him.  I don't hate Him. I don't question that His plans are wrong. It's just the opposite...Although its the most intense emotional pain and I've ever felt, it makes me more aware that the Master who created me is in control of every fiber of my being. He is the giver and the taker of life. This was His plan for our life, for our baby, for our babies.

The only thing in the entire world that brings me comfort are the words of Job as he laments being born. There is such a clarity in this scripture for earthly death and it truly sheds light on the heart of the brokenness of living in a cursed place.  Simultaneously, it sheds light on the truth of what life is like after death even for a still born child. Light can only be found in darkness. My darkness is the earthly loss of my children and my light is the path that Job leads me down as he so clearly tells me what happened to them.

Job Laments His Birth

1After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. 2And Job said:

3“Let the day perish on which I was born,
and the night that said,
‘A man is conceived.’
4Let that day be darkness!
May God above not seek it,
nor light shine upon it.
5Let gloom and deep darkness claim it.
Let clouds dwell upon it;
let the blackness of the day terrify it.
6That night—let thick darkness seize it!
Let it not rejoice among the days of the year;
let it not come into the number of the months.
7Behold, let that night be barren;
let no joyful cry enter it.
8Let those curse it who curse the day,
who are ready to rouse up Leviathan.
9Let the stars of its dawn be dark;
let it hope for light, but have none,
nor see the eyelids of the morning,
10because it did not shut the doors of my mother’s womb,
nor hide trouble from my eyes.

11“Why did I not die at birth,
come out from the womb and expire?
12Why did the knees receive me?
Or why the breasts, that I should nurse?
13For then I would have lain down and been quiet;
I would have slept; then I would have been at rest,
14with kings and counselors of the earth
who rebuilt ruins for themselves,
15or with princes who had gold,
who filled their houses with silver.
16Or why was I not as a hidden stillborn child,
as infants who never see the light?
17There the wicked cease from troubling,
and there the weary are at rest.
18There the prisoners are at ease together;
they hear not the voice of the taskmaster.
19The small and the great are there,
and the slave is free from his master.

20“Why is light given to him who is in misery,
and life to the bitter in soul,
21who long for death, but it comes not,
and dig for it more than for hidden treasures,
22who rejoice exceedingly
and are glad when they find the grave?
23Why is light given to a man whose way is hidden,
whom God has hedged in?
24For my sighing comes instead of^a my bread,
and my groanings are poured out like water.
25For the thing that I fear comes upon me,
and what I dread befalls me.
26I am not at ease, nor am I quiet;
I have no rest, but trouble comes.”

It's so comforting to me to know that Job found such value in death, even more so that he laments not being stillborn or rescued from this cursed world. He mourns birth because he knows that finding comfort and peace can only be found in the presence of those who are at rest with God himself.

Even though I long to have my children lay upon my breast that he/she should nurse, the first thing my children saw was the face of Jesus. How can I compare? How can my breast satisfy, or the home  and resting place I created for them ever fulfill? The tiny details of provision for my children will never compete with the majesties of Heaven. Who am I to question God's goodness for my children or His purpose for their death?

Thank you Jesus for a way out and a passage of hope for life...for the glory that is to be revealed. One day as I join my children, I will too feel the rest that I so desperately long for. That time is so obviously not now, so I heavily mourn the earthly loss of my babies all the while rejoicing in the spiritual life and heavenly gain and assurance that I have that two of my children have been spared from ever experiencing evil. You are the light in the darkness and as I so desperately search for that light I am reminded of how you allow this suffering so that I can become righteous. Abba Father,  may I never forget that you sacrificed your only son on my behalf, so you understand my pain and suffering.

Romans 8

14For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons^f of God. 15For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”16The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because^g the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,^h for those who are called according to his purpose. 29For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can beⁱ against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?33Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.^j 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Can we stop calling the loss of a child a miscarriage and start calling it "stillborn?" I didn't carry this child by mistake...I carried it because God wanted me to. I carried it because He wanted to give my child life so that it could escape death and be born in the stillness and peace of the presence of God.

As slain as I feel, as ruined as I feel, as my heart is literally broken and spilling out of my chest. I am grateful that I get to see them one day...I will sit at His feet and thank Him for His redemption for my babies.

And what a day that will be....

The one about trusting God...

I sing these powerful words all of the time... "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the water, wherever you have called me." It takes on a whole new meaning when what you are truly saying is, "God, help me live my life in this little box with these perfect little borders and not allow anything that doesn't fit within my plans....then life will be good, God will be good."


He has bigger plans, plans that I can't see or understand and those plans do not fit in my tiny box. God is calling me to trust him on his terms, not mine. Now He wants to go and rock my world and see if I am willing to trust him without those borders we were talking about.


My husband found a mass behind his ear. After a few doctors appointments and a sonogram, we have discovered that the mass is called a "Complex Cyst." It is rock hard, immovable, and also has fluid in it. They also discovered that only one of his tonsils is enlarged. It is not common for only one to be swollen and can indicate larger concerns. The C word was dropped and he will be having surgery on the 10th of September to have the Cyst removed and biopsied as well as remove his tonsils and run tests on that as well.


I am asking all of you to please be in prayer for him. Pray for a miracle! When he goes in for pre op that they find nothing. I know my God is powerful and will do that if his people pray and plead for His mercy.


Here are a few things we know and are resting in as we play the waiting game.


Our God is a God of Comfort...

2 Corinthians says, 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.

That He promises us grace and constant help in our time of need...

Hebrews 4:14-16 says, 14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.


That He will give us peace...

Philippians 4:4-7 says, Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.



Thank you for your prayers!
(Please feel free to share this on your timeline...we need all of the prayers we can get.)



~~~~~UPDATE...8/4/14~~~~~~~~~~~

God is answering our prayers....we went for pre op today and the doctor canceled the tonsil removal part of the surgery. You heard me right!!! The doctor we saw today is not concerned anymore that the tonsils are connected to the mass nor is he concerned that the tonsils may be diseased. He does want to keep his eyes on them and we will need to go in in 6 months to have those checked out, but as of today, it is a non issue when it comes to surgery on Wednesday....WAHOOO!!!!  We will probably get a second opinion on the tonsils too because we don't want to take any chances. God is gracious and has answered our prayers for his tonsils. Your prayers are powerful!!!

He looked at the mass behind his ear and is sending him for a CT scan tomorrow morning to find out where specifically this "cyst" is. If it is in a gland, then it is a tumor for sure and a  little more of a higher risk as far as cancer goes than a if it isn't in a gland. 

If it isn't in a gland, there is less risk that it is cancer, but still needs to come out. Because of the location of the mass, they are worried that if they do surgery, it could interfere with the nerves in his face and ears and cause some facial paralysis. They want to be sure of where it is before they decide on how to do the surgery. We will know more tomorrow, but please keep up with your prayers because God is working through you. 

We consider today good news...we are going to pray this away and thank God for the trust that He has grown in us all!!! God is so good!!!

The one about God teaching me my daughter's life lesson...

I have to take a moment and boast of the love of Jesus that my little 8 year old, Arabella Bliss is beginning to show. I have fervently prayed for the salvation of this little lady and I see fruits everyday that make me realize that the love of Jesus is being cultivated in her heart and soul. Join with me as I continue to pray for her to fully understand the weight of her sin and allow Jesus to be the Lord of her life.

For Christmas, Arabella got a little camper for her American Girl doll and it has been fun, but what good is a camper if you can't wheel it around anywhere with a decent vehicle? She has been begging for the jeep that hooks up to it. I usually don't buy them a lot of toys and reserve those gifts for special occasions because not only do they grow unappreciative of what they have,  I become super frustrated with toy overload and go on cleaning rampages that leave my children looking at an empty toy room with only a balloon, a rock,  and a hula hoop left to stare at. Okay, maybe its not that extreme, but I have locked the majority up in a closet and only take things out one toy box at a time so that I can maintain some level of sanity.

As a side note, yet still important to the story, the girls have these chore charts that earn them marbles for their marble jars and when filled, eventually lead to a $10 shopping spree. They have chores to do in the morning and if they get all of them done by the time the timer goes off, they get a marble for each task they finished. (If they don't finish in time, they loose their break/free time at school to finish incomplete chores). They also get marbles at random when I see them do something that is selfless or kind. I just wanted to establish some sort of positive incentive for motivating them. It's also good for me to have something that I can be proud of them for. I don't want my kids to have a mommy who constantly said "do this, do that, get it done" and never hears, "Im so proud of you, look what can be done with hard work." It helps make me a better mommy and I love rejoicing over small victories with them. I know the marble jar  season of training will end one day all too soon as I continue more intently teaching them to make the wise choice because its right and pleases Jesus and not because of reward, but I cherish these tiny moments of joy we can share in. I'm thankful that Jesus gives us tools and freedom to teach our children in ways that can be customized to their needs as well as our own. 

The Marble Jars and our Character/Discipline Chart

A closer look

Arabella had been begging for this jeep and I explained that if she wanted the jeep, she had an opportunity to earn it. The deal was that with the $10 for her marble jar she had earned, and the money that she had in her piggy bank (previous birthday and spare change) she was welcome to buy the jeep if she had enough money. Now, I just knew that the piggy bank was full of mostly pennies and that there is NO WAY, she had enough money to buy that jeep. I was secretly excited about this thought because I wanted her to learn the value of patience and saving. Being faced with the hard decision of waiting for what she wanted by filling her marble jar three times would be a good learning lesson. I wanted her to be faced with the decision of spending now and settling for lesser reward or waiting to get something better. We have tried this before and she settled for a lesser reward. She's so easy going that even the lesser reward brought her joy, yet in that situation, she does learn through much conversation not to ask for the things she could have if she had saved a little longer. 

So, off she and daddy go to cash in the change in her piggy bank. Little did we know that when all tallied up, the cash would total a whopping $85....WHAT?!??! Where did all that come from? I would have been giving IOU's to her all this time had I known that!!! Why am I giving her $10, when she should be giving it to me? ;)

So off to target we go! She grabs the $30 jeep, we bring it home, we hook it up and man does it make me wish I were a little American Girl Doll. I could live in a little trendy silver camper and travel the world telling people about the love of Jesus.  (I also really appreciate their hair and clothes...perfection always!) Maybe one day when we get the girls all raised up we can retire into missionary mode and hit the road Jack. (Yes, I am in my 30's and I already cannot wait until retirement and grandchildren!) 

Arabella's Doll- Emily (far left), Trinity's doll- Lily (in the Jeep), and Arabella

Daddy asked her what she wanted to do the rest of the money. I thought for sure she'd want to blow it on something else for herself, she had the cash in hand to buy whatever else she wanted in that store. Instead, what does she say? I want to give the rest to the little girls and boys In Reynosa, Mexico. It's an orphanage for kids at Rio Bravo ministries. This is a ministry our church has supported for years and it tells you a lot about our Children's ministry that the kids are being exposed to supporting those much less fortunate than themselves. 

My heart melted, I cried a little, and then thanked God for blessing me with a child who has a heart to serve others. In the midst of all of that, God began speaking to my heart. I realized that the lesson I was trying to teach her about patience and wisdom was not a lesson for her as much as it was a reminder for me.  God was teaching me through my own parenting a lesson about my own heart. I wanted her to be faced with a hard decision to train her and teach her a lesson about waiting and patience and instead she already had everything she needed and the benefit from it came so easily. 

God is doing that for me everyday. Even though I have moments of hardness and challenges (as did Arabella each day doing her chores...and more importantly Jesus did in his earthly life) none of my concerns compare to those who live in the midst of suffering and did nothing to deserve the pain they endure (as do the orphans...and especially Jesus when he suffered on the cross). I get to live in a free country, I get to go to church and worship the name of Jesus without worrying that my family will endure pain or death for the God I worship. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, a healthy family, and more importantly, In Christ alone, I have access to Jesus daily and heaven awaiting me when this earthly life has ended. He is my reward! I don't have to do anything to earn his goodness for me...its just there like a full piggy bank waiting to be cashed in. Jesus death on the cross paid the penalty of my sin and selfishness. I can keep that reward all for myself or share it with others. This is a good reminder for me when I become so self centered that all I can see is what I don't have when in reality, what I really need is already there.  May God continually guide me into just waiting on Him, trusting in Him, and drawing from Him the investments that He has made on my behalf. 

Philippians 4:19

P.S. We are taking Arabella on a mission trip to the Reynosa, Mexico orphanage with Rio Bravo Ministries this summer and she will have an opportunity to serve those boys and girls she has a heart for. We are excited for her to experience what those kids live like and see what her "hard earned cash" is going toward.  :)

~~~~~PICTURES FROM THE MISSION TRIP~~~~

The one about Celebrating Daddy's Graduation...

(You may have trouble viewing this on an iPad...not sure why, but you may want to pull it up from your phone or a computer.)

Eight plus years ago, my husband started the very hard and time consuming task of getting his masters degree. These years have been filled with adding to our family twice, moving twice, pastoring two churches, having second jobs, among many other exciting new ministry opportunities. During this time we have wanted to add to our family and turn our two to a three and try for that little boy. Nevertheless, we knew that with all of these things on his/our plate, it would be hard to add one more thing.  Its been hard on the family and we have really sacrificed time with daddy, so that he can finish his degree, so we agreed that we would wait to try for that baby until he graduated. December 2013, this amazing task was accomplished (WE ARE SO PROUD OF HIM!!!) and we wanted to start off our new year celebrating that by trying for a baby!!!

We researched and researched on how to get pregnant with a boy and follow the Shettles Method that explains how to best prepare your body to increase your chances for a boy. After charting my cycle, getting my body alkaline, testing for ovulation, timing everything just right, man it was crazy, but we knew it would be worth it if in nine months we were welcoming into the world our new bundle of joy (hopefully a blue one, but if not, just as happy with a pink one.) So we did it we tried and the outcome was exciting!

On January 5th I ovulated and on the morning of the 16th, I took a test that said am pregnant 1-2 weeks gestation!!! Bubba was working all day and I had renewed moms. Neither of us would be available to even talk until that evening. I didn't want to tell him over the phone, I had to hold it in all day!!

Taken on Thursday:

Taken on Saturday just to be sure it was real before we announced it to our church family:

Four o'clock came and so did the repairmen to come fix the floor in our kitchen. We hadn't gotten any homeschool done because I couldn't focus, so we decided to go up to the church were daddy was. I knew I wouldn't be able to contain my excitement and prepared myself to announce it as soon as we got there. I wanted a way to get their reactions on film, so that I could watch it over and over, so I came up with a plan. 

When we got there, we went into his office and said, "we can't homeschool at home because the repairmen were there, so we are just going to hang out up here for a little bit and work on some flashcards." My computer has the funniest photo application that applies funny faces to your normal one and I encouraged the girls to have a little fun with it before we all got back to work. I said, "Bubba, come over here real quick and lets take a couple of funny family selfies on this app and we can all get back to work." So he did...we made funny faces at the camera and then I clicked on record. I was ready to make the big announcement. Here is the outcome:

We were all so excited that none of us could get back to work. Arabella was super excited, and wanted that boy, but Trinity, not so much! She wanted to "still be the baby and get all of the attention!" We are working with her on selflessness still! Haha! We went out that night and celebrated. We went shopping for a tablet for the girls schoolwork and went to eat at our favorite BBQ joint, The Commissary. It was a wonderful evening followed by many wonderful days of announcing it to our families and our church, and Facebook. Everyone was overjoyed for us! Over the last two weeks, I have been looking on Pinterest for nursery ideas for boys and girls, picking out names, fighting over who would change the dirty diapers, all of that fun stuff.

It's super early, I know!!! I am only four weeks pregnant (two weeks gestation) and we announced it already. We debated about sharing so early, but we have never had any issues getting pregnant and none of my family has ever miscarried, so we felt no need to contain our excitement and share the good news so early. We are not private people, it helps to be transparent in the ministry with others about your life if you want others to be transparent with you....its how you earn the right to go so deep with people. We wanted people praying for us that we would have a healthy pregnancy and they are. We also don't want to live our lives in fear of the "what ifs," so that is why we shared so soon. I know a lot of people may judge that, but we are who we are.

It may sound crazy, but I knew when I conceived, my body could feel it. My heart was racing, and over the next couple of weeks, every part of my body has started filling out and certain areas have started getting very sore. There have been moments of queasiness, and dizziness, and I've been pregnant twice now I know all of the signs. This time everything seems to be happening sooner. It made me think either I just know what to look for now and I am hypersensitive to it, or maybe I'm having twins...they say the risk is greater after 35.

Our excitement turned into fear and concern when I hit my four and a half week mark. I began bloating like insane bloating, I was winded in my breathing I bloated so much on Monday Night. I started cramping and bleeding on Tuesday night...it got worse and heavier and my biggest fear became a reality when we went to the ER and they said I could be having a miscarriage. We held out hope that it was implantation bleeding, but they wanted me to follow up with my OBGYN on Wednesday morning and sure enough, she confirmed the miscarriage.

I never thought I would have as much trouble with this as I am. I was so early right...everyone knows the risk of miscarriage is high in the beginning!?! I shouldn't feel so surprised! Nevertheless,  I never thought I would go through a miscarriage. I am fertile Myrtle apparently and so is my family. We've always gotten pregnant pretty much our first try and other than severe nausea and crazy pregnancy rashes, we have never had any major complications. Ive never experienced the frustrations of conception that a lot of my friends have, so the fear of anything like this happening didn't really seem like a possibility to me.

All of the anticipation, joy, excitement, and laughs we have felt over the last couple of weeks have have come to a vicious halt. No more video chat announcements, no more Pinteresting ideas, no more going on faceboook to look at the Congratualtions...all of it hurts too much. Even though it is super early, I am mourning this loss as intently as any mother would loosing a child in utero. This is really TMI, but flushing is one of the worst parts so far. That the making of God's beautiful creation would just be flushed into sewage just sickens me. It gives me a whole new level of compassion for the aborted child and how God feels when His creation is discarded.  The second hardest part is thinking about what sex the baby was and how he/she would have played a role in our family, interacted with the girls, how that little baby was a real person a little Brown and that we no longer get to have with us. How he/she/they had already brought such joy to our family and now no longer with us to grow with us and celebrate future events. What September would have been like having our baby. My heart is aching!

It's not as traumatic for the girls because they are still young and didn't fully understand. Arabella said "Oh man, I am not going to get my baby brother." She has been super sweet to me though, hugging me more, making me come sit down and propping my feet up for me. Bringing me water at random when she noticed I was out. Today she has asked me, "mommy, why are you crying?" I just said, I'm sad. and she snuggles next to me more and says "okay." Its really all I need!

Trinity said "I still get to be the baby longer!" LOL...I love her honesty! Trinity was coming around by playing pregnancy apps on the tablet. She would bring it to me each day and ask, "Mommy, how big is the baby today? Show me what it looks like!" She was getting excited too! Today she wrapped up in a pillow case and said "mommy you have a present open it, its a baby."

We explained to them that our baby stopped growing and that we wouldn't be able to see him or her. That God took the baby and had other plans for it and we are thankful that He is in control because it teaches us to trust in Him. He is a good God and loves us so much that he gave us a new family member for such a short time.

Bubba is hurting too. He has been so attentive and sweet going above and beyond on things around the house and with the girls forcing me to get more rest than I really needed.  He has been my rock! I told him at the hospital, "We have been praying for a healthy baby, and God may just be answering our prayers. What if the baby had been sick, or destined for a hard future." He said, that he feels blessed that I miscarried this early and not later on after we saw the heartbeat and got even more attached. I hadn't thought of it that way before. He always has such a positive perspective. We feel thankful that we know all of my baby parts are working and that we can try again. We don't know when that will be.

So, pray for us! We are heartbroken, but we know that God has a plan for this. I am thankful that it did happen so early, and I am hopeful for our future. Thank you to my sisters and mom who have been with me in spirit for this, they have reached out to me and I have felt them. Thank you to my best girl friends Kari, Angela, Laurie, and Diane, who have physically been here for me and loved on me in so many ways. Thank you to my family and inlaws who have expressed their concerns and prayers over us. Without you all, we wouldn't be so blessed!

Love you guys! Thank you for praying for us!!


Psalm 139:13-16

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."


Highlighted in the photos below is an excerpt from John MacArthurs book called "Safe in the arms of God."  It has brought comfort to me in knowing that my sweet child is waiting for me in heaven.

The one about Ballet Class

I just remembered I have a Blog page...its been a while and I really need to get better about doing this so my family can get a little more detail about what is going on in our lives.  I thought it would be nice to give it a little update on our latest complete with pictures and videos.

The girls have officially joined their first sport. Ballet class started today and they were so excited about it....I was excited for them because we have never had the opportunity to put them in something.

I wanted to surprise them, so yesterday I had them open a gift with their little tutu's inside and let them guess why they were getting them.

They were so excited to begin today that they could not focus on homeschool work and kept asking, when is ballet class? We can catch up on what we missed this weekend...I am just so happy that they found so much joy in this. We are so blessed that they are getting the opportunity to do it. Here are some pictures and video clips of them before and during their class. The pose below cracks me up because I didn't ask them to pose, I just said stand there and let me take a picture and this is what they did.

 Arabella is the one standing in front of the first girl in black....she was very graceful and not bad at all  for her first time!!!

Trinity is a natural and had no problems catching on either! 

Here are some more video clips.

The one about NOT praying for patience...

Many people in my lifetime have scolded me for praying for patience. Almost every single time that I have said that I am "praying for patience," I have receive the response "You should never pray for patience because it will bring trials and tribulations your way."

In response to that response, I would like to respond the following response….

Here are three reasons why we should pray for patience and the Bible is packed with scriptures to back it, up.


1. Praying for patience brings joy.

If you don't pray for patience, then you will never learn to rejoice in the midst of your tribulations.

(Romans 5:3)

"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience."

(Philippians 4:8)

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-- meditate on these things."

(James 1:2-6)

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work (completed work, mature work), that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.

2. Patience is a virtue, not a punishment.

It's also important to understand that the idea that "we only get patience from trials and tribulations" can be a little discouraging as a Christian. To me this places a negative tone on what it means to have patience. Its very hard to hear that we should not pray for patience from other Christians…and that they never do it either. If you are a young Christian and you are told that by a stronger and wiser believer, then this could be very damaging to their understanding of the Theology of Patience.

The tribulations that bring patience are to be gloried in because of the fruit they bring in our lives. Patience is a virtue and a "fruit of the Spirit" of God that we gain through praying for it and seeking it from the Holy Spirit.

(Gal 5:22-23)
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience (longsuffering), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”

(Romans 5:4-5)
4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

"We should not fear asking God for this quality we are supposed to have. In praying for it, He might also make the troubles we already face more profitable in our lives. If someone wants to pray for patience, it is probably because they are already facing troubles they do not know how to handle. Praying for patience simply means you are asking God to make His lessons more effective." Yes, patience is produced as a result of the trials and tribulations that we endure, but firstly, its a benefit that we gain from being tested. Also, we should never fear God's care over us. Yes, we should fear rebelling against Him (impatience). But, when we truly want Him to help us, He will not be cruel. He knows us, loves us, and cares about our concerns.

In Luke, God uses the father/son relationship to explain our relationship to our heavenly Father. The verse states:

(Luke 11:11-13)

"¹¹ What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; ¹² or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? ¹³ If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

The conclusion is, that if an earthly father will not answer his son cruelly when he asks for food, why should we expect our Father to be cruel when we honestly ask for help in some area? He will not upbraid or scold us when we ask for wisdom. I am confident that He will not treat us meanly if we ask for patience.

(James 1:5)

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, lwho gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.



3. Patience exists soley because of the Character of God, not because of your trials.

The most important reason you should pray for patience is because patience is a grace that God brings to our lives. Patience is brought to you by the goodness of God and getting to know the character of God will show you that God's long-suffering and patience should lead you to desire those same traits. Gaining patience has little to do with your trials, it is more about wanting to mirror the character of Christ... 2 Peter 1:2-11 talks about the essential character traits that God has.

2 May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. 3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4 by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. 10 Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. 11 For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


So friends, before you think about telling someone not to pray for patience, please know that if they are a young believer, they might just believe you! Be careful about what "truths" you share and please make sure those come straight from the mouth of Christ…not just a theory that you heard somewhere or that you assume is right.

The Bible does not say that patience will bring you trials…it says that trials will bring you patience.
Cindy Brown